A rough day. It’s amazing how much fatigue can cloud your sense of self and destroy your ability to be productive. I love Hanna more than anything in the world and starting this new career is going to be harder than I first thought. In some ways I’m glad it’s November and the leaves are off the vine. It tells me I’ve got a couple more months (or less) to get us into some semblance of a schedule before working in the vineyard. But not today. Today I was feeling the frayed ends of lack of sleep and a crying baby, so we hit the road and took refuge at my sister’s house. I guess that’s what they mean by a new mom and learning how to keep it together. You gotta know when to hold them and when to fold ‘em and today was a fold ‘em kind of day. We were doing okay and then she cried so hard it scared me back into the thought of, I’m a terrible mom. I drove home in tears to a dark house and a wet, vacant vineyard awaiting winter. The sun’ll come out tomorrow.